I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
