You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
