she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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