Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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