So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
