i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
