turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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