Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
