allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
