Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
