You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
