Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
