I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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