My friends, they love my intelligence
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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