i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
