i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
