Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
