How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
