Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
