my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
