One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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