FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just had sex bonerless
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
