I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
