im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
