trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
