Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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