My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
