Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
