So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
