I feel like I'm in dance class right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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