I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
