Have you finally orgasmed yet?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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