Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
