mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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