I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
