wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
