I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
