He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
