I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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