you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
