I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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