It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
