does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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