I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
