Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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