Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
