Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
