Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Panties = found
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