would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
