dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
